Mahablogartha: Contemporary Contextualisation of Blogosphere Rants or CCBR Part 3

Disclaimer: This post is a work of fiction. However, resemblance to any person living or dead is not coincidental. They are real people some of them are my friends. I have merrily caricatured them. My apologies to the lay reader. This post is not for everyone and can only be understood and contextually appreciated by those who have been following Libertarian bloggers Crystal Blur's blog and Desipundit controversy over deleting comments.

continued from Episode 2: Coments comments everywhere, not a sensible one to read

Episode 3: Meet the spoofer

(Crystal Blur takes Ganpati and Vyasa in a corner. They do not want to attract undue attention to themselves. The three start reading the blog.)

Narrator: Presenting Crystal Blur, the latest sensation on the blogosphere circuit. Her experiments with Contexual Sexualisation of Sacred Lore… ooops! I meant Contextual Contemporarization of Sacred Lore and her interpretation/spoof/remix of parts of Mahabharat has had readers weeping with laughter. It is rumoured that she is currently in talks with the producers of Sex and the city for a proposed Indian spin off titled Sex and the city of Hastinapur. Indian girlfriends began feeling the heat because of Ms. Blur. Their dewy-eyed boyfriends kept gushing aloud how Ms. Blur thought exactly like them. The girlfriends were smart enough to read this as subtle exhortation towards being more Blur-like. It was one such jealous girlfriend who started the rumour that Ms. Blur is actually a man. However, she did not just stop there. She went ahead and said that not only was Blur a man, but horrors of horrors, was also gay! Rumours flew around that Blur was taking aashraya under a female pseudonym just to promote a gay lifestyle amongst Indians. “She is even calling our Bheeshma pitamaha gay!” was the damning irrefutable proof our jealous girlfriend provided to her grapevine circuit. But as you can clearly see that was just a load of asuri buckwaas.

Ganpati: You should take some inspiration from this blog Vyasa. Look at the names here - Dilip, Gaurav, Shivam, Nilu etc. How short and simple! Don’t you have any shame in making me write those fit-for-spelling-bee-finals 20 character tongue twisters as names? An elephant’s tongue is not as flexible as a human's you know.

Vyasa: Ganpati, for someone who styles himself as God of wisdom I must say you have a terrible memory. You seem to have forgotten our conversation in the beginning of chapter 1. I could not have been clearer on this point. As far I am concerned, size does matter and therefore the long name policy stays.

Crystal Blur: Shhh! You two. Let me read.

(Meanwhile Gautam Bastian enters the stage. Chants of "Hayekum sharanam gacchami!" reverberate in the background)

Narrator: Gautam is an aspiring Buddha. He saw humanity’s suffering owing to failed attempts at achieving nirvana through meditation techniques prescribed by socialist Keynesian school of meditation. He therefore has pinned his hopes on the Libertarian Austrian school. This pancham lama of the Cartel loves studying arcane scriptures. He is known for his vast collection of essays on economics scoured from all over the Internet. At any given instance he can bewilder you with 4-5 links to 20-page essay, which you are better off not reading. He knows that and uses this trick to silence our leftists when he no longer wishes to indulge them in further discussion. Had our blogosphere leftists' been a little more Wikipedia savvy, they would have written a wiki post labelling this bombarding of links with a creative name and terming it a logical fallacy. And the next time any Libertarian even linked to a 200 word article, they could have pointed them to this page immediately. But as you all know by experience socialists are slow learners.

(Gautam moves towards the computer to type his comment)

Gautam Bastian says... comment posted on December 28, 2005 3:06AM
I don’t see how this post undermines any Libertarian arguments. In fact, this proves that when Bleeding Heart Liberals (BHLs) do their job of protesting faithfully while the airlines, media, mobile companies, shopkeepers, carpenters do their jobs simultaneously, the economy runs smoothly. This is like division of labour in action. Read this essay on I, Pencil about the complexity involved in the making of a single pencil. Aah! The beauty and joys of the wheels of the economy turning without anyone actually turning the wheel are a necessary and sufficient condition to achieve nirvana. I dread to imagine a world without I, Pencil where Mridula might have had to lodge anti-capitalistic protests, knit woolens, update blogs, teach economics and also clean toilets. Would you enjoy cleaning toilets instead of spending time reading the essays I provide you on economics Mridula?

Narrator: If I were Mridula I would have chosen the cleaning toilets option. It's quicker and less despicable than reading those dull essays containing such words like network externalities and eminent domain etc.

(Mridula returns to check whether anyone has responded to her call for Guerrilla attack on fort Desipundit where Vulturo has been holed up since he deleted Mridula’s comments)

Narrator: I wonder if it is only me who finds it ironic that Libertarians derive support from a collectively owned entity like Desipundit. Hmm.

(Mridula sees that no one has responded to her call. And adding insult to injury was Gautam hijacking leftist agenda and projecting his Libertarian philosophy on Chetan’s post.)

Mridula says... comment posted on December 28, 2005 3:30AM
@ Comrades: That was the worst ad-hominem attack. Gautam is calling us toilet cleaners. These pampered bourgeois Libertarians kids! What are you waiting for? Attack Desipundit. Let us take down their last bastian… oops! I meant bastion.

@Gautam Bastian: Tu mujhe bahar mil! Have ‘Indian blog classical liberals’ read anything more after Adam Smith on division of labor? Looking at your crass uncouth norms of behaviour with a lady, I am certain you have never read about the visible hand of norms and also not felt the visible hand of Mridula on your cheeks. Remember, just studying Econ 101 not an economist make!

(Mridula leaves. Vyasa has followed this entire episode)

Vyasa: Look Ganpati this Mahablogartha has already reached Kurukshetra battlefield. Your habit of procrastination will ruin my chances at making it to the Hastinapur Times bestseller list. And you Crystal Blur... Let me be frank with you. I am not comfortable with this idea of launching a remix version written by you immediately after my novel is published. I was never into remixes. I am a fan of Lata Mangeshkar who belongs to my generation and I share her views about remixes It's just that the publishers managed to glibly convince me about market pressures and by telling me that a sexied up version would draw 18-35 age group of yuppy readers. This is why I hate the markets! That a remixed sexied up spoof is required to incite their curiosity to read mythology. Sigh!

Crystal: Oh do stop whining. Haven’t you seen how it is the markets that have created buzz around your novel and my remix? Had we not paid the PR agency a fat sum, do you think prominent bloggers like Desipundit, Shivam and Gaurav would have ever linked to us using superlatives, driving so much traffic our way? Don't be naive. You are new to the blogosphere you don't know how it runs via old boy's network. Be realistic. And Vyasa c’mon for someone who claims not to be a virgin you sound unbelievably prude. What is it with you and Lata anyways? I will introduce you to Sunidhi Chauhan at the next book launch, I promise.

(Vyasa seems placated. Hawkeye enters the stage)

Update: Read Episode 4: Tu tu main main