Jaan jaye par shaan na jaye; modern day Nero-giri

Had anyone taken a MMS of Arun Patnaik - Joint Commissioner of Mumbai Police's conduct after the Mumbai blasts, it would have been more iconic and symptomatic of police apathy than this accompanying photograph. During times of crisis, precisely when swift police action is of utmost importance, these guys are busy, protecting of all things, their own clothes from getting wet.

According to an CNN-IBN eyewitness account, Patnaik wouldn't get down from his official car and inspect the scene of the blasts, till a umbrella was provided to him. This wasn't the only insensitive thing this chap did in the day. Gaurav, who did an amazing job with his timeline, wrote that Patnaik was busy playing the blame game on Television immediately after the blasts.

On CNBC, Patnaik was quick to shirk off blame saying security in trains is the responsibility of Railway Police. This when the first priority should have been getting as much information, forensic as well as otherwise, possible from the crime scene.


I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at this insane display of arrogance, insensitivity and vanity amidst such a major tragedy. The citizen journalist's eyewitness account on CNN-IBN spoke about how ordinary people who were themselves victims of the blasts were helping each other spontaneously and in contrast this JCP was warming his arse.

I would like to specially thank the Mahim Zone ACP Desai and his team. He was very active in the whole operation, although he is very aged but still actively got involved in the rescue operation.

I would also like to mention Arun Patnaik - Joint Commissioner of Mumbai Police. He didn't get down from his official car, till a umbrella was provided to him.

Local boys from the area did a good service of maintaining the traffic. I waited till the bomb squad arrived, and then a police tape was put around the blast area.

This reminded me of two similar and equally disgusting instances of authority figures who were fiddling while cities burnt around them.

First, the person in the accompanying photograph, K Kumaraswamy - JCP Vadodara who during Gujarat floods in 2005 who should enter record books for ensuring that his pants didn't get wet in waist deep waters.

Second of course was Brownie. FEMA chief Michael Brown was busy discussing his wardrobe during the crisis caused by Hurricane Katrina.

"My eyes must certainly be deceiving me. You look fabulous and I'm not talking the makeup," writes Cindy Taylor, FEMA's deputy director of public affairs to Brown on 7:10 a.m. local time on Aug. 29.

"I got it at Nordstroms," Brown writes back. "Are you proud of me? Can I quit now? Can I go home?" An hour later, Brown adds: "If you'll look at my lovely FEMA attire, you'll really vomit. I am a fashion god."

What are these people high on? Asli tidik bharte na hey asla vachlyavar... Shapath!

You are most welcome...

The title of course is in anticipation of expression of gratitude on your part. I found this clip of the ultra-hilarious Mahabharat scene from Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron through Naveen's blog yesterday.


This easily ranks as one of my favourite movies for its satirical take on the 80s construction boom and the Antulay cement scam exposed by Indian Express under Arun Shourie and his batch of special correspondents (one of whom I know personally).

So without further ado just LYAO!

Tag!

I have been keeping away from the blogosphere for a while. Been a bit busy with a lot of stuff and am sure this is a temporary break. Gaurav has tagged me invoking my only name to fame, my long sentences. So here I am pandering to the expectations.

I am thinking about – naveen job laglelya roommate la aaj ratri New York City chya kuthlya club madhe kapayche. For non-marathi readers… I am thinking about which hip New York City club would be the best to extract a party from my roommate who just got a job.

I said – Even after not updating the blog for almost 2 months friends still visit your blog even tag you. So Chetan… pretty please with sugar on top, BLOG!

I want to – be in her arms.

I wish – I was as intelligent, prolific and well-read as Ashutosh, as witty as Gaurav, as insightful as Ravikiran, as funny as Greatbong, as sarcastic as Gawker, as focused and experienced as Naveen, as easy-going as Suyog, as full of conviction as Gautam, as principled as Patrix, as sincere and honest as Krishna, as literary as Dubious, as creative as Amit, as wise as Sir and as questioning as Sanket. I also wish my writing exuded warmth like Shruthi’s writing does, was as lucid as Dilip’s, was as simple and uncomplicated as Manasi’s writings, was as fair and straightforward as Neha’s, as exciting as Mridula’s travel posts, was as lawyerly as Red’s, as fiery as Vulturo’s and as sensitive as Vikrum’s.

I miss – Vaishali’s cheese onion uttappa and SPDP, Savera’s medu wada sambar (sambar main dubake), Manmeet’s Chhole Bhature, Bedekar and Shree’s Misal, Sujata’s Mastani, Athavale dairy near New English school Ramanbag’s kharwas and the khuskhushit hot batatawadas wadas at Prabha raswanti griha beside it, Beleshwar’s (on canal road near Prabhat road) bhel, strawberry colada of CCD, Marzorin’s sandwiches and Burger King’s chicken burger, Kayani’s shrewsberry, Chitale’s bakharwadi, sabudana wada near Shaniwarwada, Wadeshwar bhavan’s idlis and the sugarcane juice in front of it near Kelkar Museum, bread patties from Tilak on Tilak road near Behere classes, the kulfi faluda from Poona Colddrink house near Tilak Smarak Mandir, the malai topped lassi from Dilliwala dairy near market yard, Pav bhaji and dabeli from n number of places, and I never thought I would say this but I even miss the Chinese food at the University tapris. Nostalgia is not always depressing I suppose. ;)

I hear – the sound of ‘that which ceases to exist when it is uttered and which breaks no sooner than it is spoken.’ Hint: A song by Simon and Garfunkel.

I wonder – What is the motivation behind doing what he does and that too in such an obnoxious manner? Whether there is an underlying philosophy behind Nilu’s writings, or is it just random mischief and tomfoolery, whether his writings are an attempt to crystallise his master morality or is it just about increasing his page rank? Is it a case of ‘knows the cost of everything and value of nothing’ or is it precisely because he knows the value of everything that he affords himself the luxury of nitpicking about the costs?

I regret – that I don’t regret my habit of procrastination.

I am – therefore I think.

I dance – to no one’s tune; unfortunately that includes my own tune as well.

I sing –only during antakshari where others are least bothered about listening to your voice.

I cry – out aloud when I miss a simple shot in carom or on the pool table.

I am not always – discussing politics and current affairs.

I make with my hands – tasty batata wadas.

I write – in an illegible handwriting.

I confuse –condescension with a non-existent word condescendation. ;)

I need – friends who live on the edge, and are a little insane as much as I need warm sensible and rooted friends.

I should try – and be judgmental once in a while, look at the world in black and white, not to be philosophical about events concerning me personally.

I finish – not a single task I undertake. And therefore I wont tag anyone else and leave this tag unfinished.

P.S. : My blog is currently being inundated with spam and therefore the comments are on moderation. However rest assured that all vile comments will find their place in the sun.

First personal post

I moved to Jersey City this weekend. That was one of the reasons for the break in blogging. This almost feels like I am back in India. I am staying at this dingy place in the basement with three garbage bins right in front of the door and even found a Manickchand packet on the sidewalk. I had khasta kachori chatfor snack in the evening. Also for dinner at 12:30 in the night we had gone to a place called Baba Hut that had wooden benches and arrangement was just like those Amrutulyas where hostelites have tea in Pune. I was watching Aaj Tak which was playing a show called Subah at 9:35 a.m. India time with about half an hour devoted to fashion news. Seems like Aaj Tak audiences like to watch anorexic models while having breakfast, probably to feel guilty and not overeat. What a benevolent gesture on part of Aaj Tak. But all of the above were not responsible for making me feel like I was back in India. It was because I spent last night in darkness when while attaching a new bulb the fuse blew. First time since my coming to US I experienced what was an everyday occurrence in Pune.

Another thing that made me feel absolutely at home was last night at 12:50 a.m. when I my room mate overheard my call asked me whether today was my ‘Happy Birthday.’ I smiled as I was reminded of friends asking “when is your Happy Birthday’ when they wanted to know my birth date. So Jersey City gave me a nice birthday gift by inspiring reminiscences that made the dark boring night so pleasant with warm memories from India.

Wimpy liberals and strong conservatives stereotype turned on its head

Drudge Report linked to a funny story today. A study has found that whiny insecure kids who run to the teacher with complaints grow up to become conservatives while confident, resilient, self-reliant kids grow up to become liberals. This turns the wimpy liberal/strong conservative stereotype on its head.

The whiny kids tended to grow up conservative, and turned into rigid young
adults who hewed closely to traditional gender roles and were uncomfortable with
ambiguity.

The confident kids turned out liberal and were still hanging
loose, turning into bright, non-conforming adults with wide interests. The girls
were still outgoing, but the young men tended to turn a little introspective.

Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet! Of course, as with everything that sounds sweet to the ears there will always be caveats, which will ask you to take the news only after adding salt that will spoil the sweet taste. For instance the study is limited to the Bay area, the sample size isn’t representative of the whole country yada yada yada. The study does not mean that nursery school teachers in the conservative Red States are cursed with classes filled with little proto-conservative whiners.

Another way of saying it is that self-reliance predicts statistically about 7
per cent of the variance between kids who became liberal and those who became
conservative. (If every self-reliant kid became a liberal and none became
conservatives, it would predict 100 per cent of the variance). Seven per cent is
fairly strong for social science, but it still leaves an awful lot of room for
other influences, such as friends, family, education, personal experience and
plain old intellect.

Those caveats can be brushed off by liberals by saying that they are like the warnings you hear after drug ads. Do not take the pill if you have liver problem of heart disease. Common side effects are mild and may include diarrhea and vomitting etc. That stuff is supposed to be ignored while regaling in the pure mellifluous flattery that this study is, if you are a liberal.

The confident kids turned out liberal and were still hanging loose, turning into
bright, non-conforming adults with wide interests.
[…]
...insecure kids look for the reassurance provided by tradition and authority, and find it in conservative politics. The more confident kids are eager to explore alternatives to the way things are, and find liberal politics more congenial.

Chew on that you sissy Charles Krauthammer. I've got to go… There is much boasting to do and friends' legs crying to be pulled.

She would have made Ayn Rand proud

Some time ago Nilu switched from posting nasty and provocative comments on other bloggers and initiated an interesting discussion. He asked his readers to name their favourite character in Mahabharat and explain the reasons for their choice. Karna was of course excluded because then the topic would have been entirely Karna-centric.

A very interesting discussion brewed in the comment section and a few of the commenters mentioned Gandhari as their favourite. Nilu did a second post asking readers to come up with a character analysis of their favourite women characters in Mahabharat. I was really looking forward to reading about Gandhari as I hadn’t given much thought to her character before this. Unfortunately that post didn’t get much response.

However, his post prompted me to think about women characters in Mahabharat and the first one that came to mind was Ganga. I wouldn’t say she is my favourite, but she is definitely the most intriguing of them all. I still vividly remember how as a kid I felt extremely uneasy while watching the initial episodes of Mahabharat on Doordarshan. Ganga used to take her newborn babies and cast them into the river and return smiling to Shantanu, her husband. I couldn’t fathom the motives and was too young to understand the story completely and felt extremely scared.

As with most Indian mythological tales the story owes its twists to curses. Ganga has promised to help Vasus, who have been cursed to lead the lives of men upon angering Vashishta rishi. She agrees to be their mother and kill them as soon as they are born so that they can return to their heavenly existence without spending time on earth.

Strip the epic of all the mythology/curses etc. and then look at Ganga’s actions. If one overlooks the fact that she drowned her children to help the Vasus get rid of Vashishta's curse, then Ganga comes across as someone who is ruthlessly, unambigiously selfish. Her conditions for marrying Shantanu may put any present-day pre-nuptial agreements to shame.

O king, I shall become your wife. But on certain conditions that neither you nor anyone else should ever ask me who I am, or whence I come. You must also not stand in the way of whatever I do, good or bad, nor must you ever be wroth with me on any account whatsoever. You must not say anything displeasing to me. If you act otherwise, I shall leave you then and there. Do you agree?

She has Shantanu by the balls and despite him being the king, she is the one whose dictats are followed. She definitely knew how to keep a man under her toes. He does not even utter a word as she drowns seven of his children for the fear of her deserting him. This gives you an insight into her complete hold over him. By keeping Shantanu guessing about mystery surrounding her actions, she adds to her allure.

Imagine what it must have taken to be such a free bird for a woman in the era of pativrata naris like Draupadis and Gandharis. In C Rajagopalachari's version, one gets an insight into her motives behind drowning her children. It is sinister to say the least.

"O great king," she replied, "you have forgotten your promise, for your heart is set on your child, and you do not need me any more. I go.

Ganga comes across as someone who is ruthlessly selfish and someone who wont share her love no matter what. No character of Ayn Rand comes this close in their selfish love. In fact, Ganga is the quintessential Ayn Rand character. In a way it can be looked as if she leaves because she realises the king loves the child more than herself and her conception of love has no place for sharing. A truly fascinating woman!

Do contribute your take on women characters in the epic in the comments section, especially those of you who like Gandhari. I am really curious to know which aspects of her character you guys find so admirable.

Cartelian logic: 101

Chapter 1: Longest leap of faith axiom by Libertarian blogger and renowned Cartelian Aadisht

If you find this advertisement tasteless then you belong to a certain 'leftist religion' that venerates poverty.

But wait! The lesson in logic is not over yet. Did you know that you are also a condescending prick who looks down upon liberalisation, just because you find that Brand Equity ad tasteless? No! It's elementary my dear Watson. Benevolent human beings that the Cartelians are, they enlighten you advertisement-haters about 10 Commandments of your religion they have oh-so-helpfully compiled. Don't you see the obvious logical inconsistency in that position? Sigh!

What would this world have come to had we not had the Cartelians to remind us of our elementary lessons in logic!

Therefore students the next time you decide to find an advertisement tasteless, you better check with the High Council of the Cartel about its stance, unless you want to be derided by them and their numerous 'enlightented' followers and forced to join as members of this ghastly leftist religion.

Update 2: My comments are back online at Aadisht's blog.

Update: Aadisht has clarified his stance here. He only meant to call out the three bloggers he had linked to and wasn't trying to forcibly convert the rest of us who also found the ad offensive. So the charges against him under the anti-conversion law have been dropped. I have many issues with his clarification and have left a detailed comment there. Those interested may read it there.

Apology: Drunk as I was in my zeal to score cheap debating points I saw things which were never there in the first place, I must apologise to Aadisht for misrepresenting him. He never called anyone a 'leftist fool.' I have said he did while responding to Kya yaar tu bhi in the comments section of this post. I have removed the following line from the post. You illogical dumbos, don't you understand that you cannot hate that ad and yet profess to be in favour of liberalisation. I very clearly misunderstood and unintentionally misrepresented him on this one.

D.C. bloggers' meet

The Washington DC Bloggers Meet held in the food court of Union Station was a grand success. And if you are brushing this off as an expected statement coming from a not-so-famous blogger going gaga after meeting veteran popular bloggers, take your news straight from Greatbong himself. Even he concurs about the meet's success. In fact the first sentence is his quote. And no, this time round he is not being sarcastic!

From left: Sunil, Ujval, Michael, Arnab, Chetan, Ravikiran, Piyush and Arzan (click to enlarge)

The meet started at 12:00 p.m. but I got there horribly late even for someone swearing by Indian standard time. But it paid off. I got the best seat at the table. With "Happy Birthday" boy Ravikiran to my left, Michael Higgins to my right and Arnab the Greatbong bang in front of me, I felt as if I was at the head of the table had a wonderful time. I sure do hope certain qualities of people you interact with actually do rub off on you. Because if that is true, the quality of writing on this blog is going to hit the fan.

As far as reconciling online personas with real life faces go, my guess about how Ravikiran may be in person went for a complete toss. Going by the short, pithy and insightful sentences explaining serious policy issues in a dispassionate manner on his blog, I had expected him to be a very serious looking guy with a moustache who cracks Mallu jokes with an expressionless face. Apart from the bit about moustache, I was proved wrong on all other counts. He greeted me with a warm disarming smile that had no trace of any pomposity or arrogance, which many people have accused him of online. He said that his objective was to get me drunk so that I start speaking in long sentences and everyone gets to know what actually went into the making of the longest comment. We got to hear the 'You don’t come to the cartel, the cartel comes to you' explanation upon being asked about the necessary and sufficient conditions regarding its membership from one of the most prominent cartelians himself.

While in case of Ravikiran, my online perception of him had tough time conforming with reality, in Arnab's case it was exact opposite. He came across exactly as he does on his blog. Enthusiastic, funny and eager to discuss diverse topics, he is as eloquent while discussing as his writing on his blog. He talked about a range of topics, which included Mithun, his latest post on terrorism and the trolls on his blog. Ganguly posts and their responses and behavioral characteristics of his trolls, who never fail to crack me up with their inability to process sarcasm and their angry-to-the-point-of-frothing-at-the-mouth responses were also dissected.

Michael had done a wonderful job at organisation. Beginning from the choice of the venue to minutiae like table signs, it was obvious that a lot of thought had gone into the organisation. The clinching evidence of course was Ravikiran’s birthday present. Along with a delicious cake with gold coin shaped chocolates on it, Michael had also got Ravikiran flushable wipes to reassure him that not all Americans are crazy and that the market here does offer a choice for those who are worried about America's 'toilet gap' with Japan. Michael regaled us with stories about cricket and the first match he had watched. He has blogged about it. His interest in cricket and his knowledge of the game is awe inspiring. The most amazing feeling was when I realized that I felt surprisingly at home amongst bloggers whom I had never met before and some of whose blogs I hadn’t even followed. I suppose just the shared experience of blogging and having followed some prominent blogs is enough to feel that connection.

Ravikiran grinning as he shows off his birthday present

I am thankful to Arzan for driving down to D.C. and bringing Ravikiran along with him. I had read Arzan's comments on Sepia Mutiny and loved the image of the bike as the header image on his blog. Arzan impressed me with his enthusiasm. He seemed genuinely upset with US Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) as he recounted his experiences there. He has a blog post comparing Indian Regional Transport Office (RTO) with DMV.

Seema was the sole representative from the other half ;). We discovered that both of us are alumni of the same university. She has studied International Development. Given that there were very few Indians that I met at my university during my time there, it came as a nice surprise to meet an Indian alumna and that too at a bloggers’ meet. Piyush Gupta was the political junkie at the meet. He spoke animatedly about following the due process of law, corruption and sparred with Ravikiran regarding the need for primaries in the Indian political system. You could feel his intensity and passion and desire to do something about the state of affairs in India throughout the meet.

Eswaran, who commented on Ravikiran's blog during the longest comment controversy was curious to see me and Ravikiran interacting together. He semed well-versed with all the happenings in the blogosphere and I was surprised that he did not have a blog himself. He seemed to have followed almost all the blogs I had. Him, me and Arnab got extra time to spend together as we came together by the metro. Yourfan and Yourfan2, the two famous commenters on Arnab’s blog would have reason to be jealous of Eswaran. He stays in the same apartment complex as Arnab.

Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to interact much with Ujval, Vinay and the two Sunils. I hope that it happens at the next bloggers meet. Of course I wish to to interact through their blogs.

Thanks Michael and Arnab for organising this event and everybody else who attended the meet. Count me in for any subsequent meets. Finally in Amit’s words, ‘fun did come’ and I had nice time flirting with her at the meet.